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Hey Fellow Golfer -
Thank you for reading this week’s More Pars Than Bogeys Newsletter. If you find it valuable, could you forward this email to a fellow golfer?
Thank you.
You can click here to read the online version of this week’s newsletter.
And be sure to catch up on this week’s podcast episodes:
On January 25, 2025, I’m hosting the first-ever Mental Game of Golf Summit, providing insight, strategies, and frameworks to make playing to your potential a habit.
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It was one of those perfect afternoons for golf - the sun was shining, and I was excited to play at Tampa Palms Country and Golf Club for the first time.
As soon as I arrived, though, I felt like a fish out of water.
It took me a few minutes to figure out where to park, and then a few more minutes to locate the clubhouse. And when I finally checked in, after being bounced from one person to another, I learned I’d be joining a skins game, which was a first for me.
Once I finally tracked down my playing partner, I realized I was teeing up with some seriously skilled golfers: a plus-one and a plus-three handicap, guys who made hitting high, laser-straight drives look effortless.
It was like watching pros in action, and my nerves ratcheted up. As I stepped up to take my first shot, I could feel that pressure building - the pressure to fit in, impress, and play well in front of these guys.
Can you relate?
When it was my turn to tee off, I began to execute my pre-shot routine - specifically my calming breaths - and prepared to swing.
Whoosh.
I topped the ball, and it rolled just 20 feet.
My stomach dropped. I could feel my face heat up in embarrassment as the guys looked on politely, no doubt wondering what had just happened.
That opening shot set the tone.
I was out of sync and tense, each shot feeling heavier than the last.
By the time we reached the ninth hole, I was completely out of rhythm and so far in my head that even basic shots felt foreign. It was like I had forgotten how to play the game.
I wanted to disappear when I carded a 10 on a par five.
I’d love to tell you that I rallied back with a miracle round, but the reality is that I finished that day feeling completely defeated, embarrassed, and frustrated with myself. All my pre-game intentions - staying present, being calm, and having fun - had crumbled under the weight of self-imposed expectations.
On the drive home, it took everything I had not to let the frustration consume me. I needed to process what happened, lean into the discomfort, and decide how I’d use it to become a better golfer.
And let me tell you, that reflection taught me that failure isn’t just a setback - it’s fuel. It's a powerful reminder to stay humble, practice, and work even harder. That day reminded me that we don't grow by avoiding these moments.
We grow by learning from them, picking ourselves up, and refocusing on what really matters.
In today’s newsletter, you’ll learn more about my post-round struggle and how I ultimately course-corrected. I’ll share seven strategies to better equip you to move forward after a poor performance.
Let’s tee off!
The Aftermath of a Round from Hell
After that round, I drove home in silence, replaying every misstep and mis-hit, every frustrating moment on the course.
Embarrassment weighed heavily on me.
I'd shown up with high hopes to prove myself, find camaraderie, and compete with guys leagues ahead of where I felt I was. But instead, I left the course defeated, angered, and disappointed.
It wasn’t just a rough round; it felt like a direct reflection of everything I still hadn’t mastered. My mind was a carousel of "what ifs" and "should haves," a running commentary of self-critique and frustration.
Shortly after returning home, I caught myself scrolling mindlessly through Facebook, seeking some small distraction from my emotions. But it hit me - I was just avoiding what I needed to face.
So I stopped, closed my phone, and took a long, cold plunge, forcing myself to be fully present with that discomfort. And the truth was, I knew there were gaps in my commitment. I’d been interested in reaching my goals, but that round revealed a truth that stung: interest wasn't enough.
I needed commitment and real discipline to take my game to the next level.
I sat down and voice-noted my thoughts, acknowledging where I’d cut corners and let distractions creep into my game. For the first time in months, I looked hard at my routines, asking myself if they aligned with my goal of becoming a scratch golfer.
When I got some perspective, I realized I wasn’t showing up fully - not with my mobility, flexibility, warm-ups, or intention on the course (when practicing and playing).
So, I made a decision that night.
I measured out putting distances on my birdie ball mat and mapped out a weekly schedule for rotational and mobility work, promising myself that this time I’d stay consistent. No more hitting balls just to hit them, no more half-hearted practice. I’d approach every session with purpose and discipline, working on the fundamentals with full commitment.
The round that nearly broke me had actually shown me exactly where I needed to go next.
I never want to feel that way again, not because of a lack of preparation or half-baked efforts. Instead of running from those emotions, I chose to lean into them, use them as fuel, and remind myself that every setback is a stepping stone when you’re truly committed to the journey.
Below, I’ve outlined seven key strategies to help you quickly move from a place of defeat and frustration to productive, positive action.
Redefining Failure: Seeing Every Setback as an Opportunity
Failure, in its truest form, isn’t missing a shot or carding a high number on the scorecard.
Failure is quitting; giving up; or throwing in the towel.
A close second, however, is walking away from a tough round and learning nothing. It’s avoiding the uncomfortable truths, letting the frustration simmer without direction. But if you choose to look at failure differently - to redefine it - it can become one of our greatest tools for growth.
Failure is feedback - insight into where and how you can improve.
When you see failure as feedback, as insight into where you need to improve, it transforms from a roadblock into a roadmap. Every mishit, every nerve-fueled mistake on the course isn’t a reflection of your potential; it’s a direct invitation to deepen your commitment, refine your approach, and double down on the fundamentals.
Redefining failure means seeing it as a stepping stone, a necessary part of the process that shows you what adjustments will help you become a better golfer and more resilient individual.
So, next time you walk off the course frustrated, challenge yourself to take a step back…
Look at the round objectively and ask, “What did this experience teach me?” With this perspective, every setback becomes fuel - powerful, purposeful fuel that drives you forward.
Detaching from Your Identity: Separating Your Self-Worth from Your Score
One of the hardest lessons in golf - and in life - is learning that your performance doesn’t define you. It’s easy to let a poor round seep into your sense of self, to feel as if your score somehow reflects your character or ability. But that kind of thinking only fuels frustration, self-doubt, and, ultimately, more mistakes.
Detaching from your identity means recognizing that your worth as a person isn’t tied to any single round, swing, or scorecard.
When you make this mental shift, you free yourself from the pressure of proving something every time you step onto the course. Instead, each round becomes an opportunity to practice, experiment, and grow - without the weight of “proving” yourself with every shot.
Detaching from your identity means recognizing that your worth as a person isn’t tied to any single round, swing, or scorecard.
This detachment allows you to remain focused and flexible, especially in tough moments. The pressure lifts, and with it, your ability to play freely and with confidence grows. Remember, your score may go up and down, but your value remains steady. Embrace the process, knowing that who you are is far greater than the numbers on your scorecard.
Processing Emotions: Embracing the Ups and Downs with Intention
After a rough round, it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions - frustration, disappointment, even anger. But instead of pushing these feelings aside or letting them fester, learning to process emotions can be one of the most powerful steps to bounce back stronger. Ignoring them only allows those emotions to linger, often resurfacing as tension in your next game. Processing emotions, however, turns them into fuel for progress.
Start by acknowledging how you feel. Instead of brushing off that frustration or masking it, take a few quiet moments to name what you’re experiencing. Reflect on where those feelings are coming from - were they rooted in unmet expectations, pressure to perform, or perhaps feeling out of control?
Then, let yourself experience these emotions without judgment. This practice isn’t about dwelling; it’s about permitting yourself to feel so that you can move forward with clarity and purpose.
Pro Tip: I encourage you to set a timer for 15 minutes and to feel these feelings however you wish, whether that be sitting with them, journaling, or meditating. Once the timer is up, off you go with the remainder of your day.
Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel, shift your focus to grounding actions: deep breathing, a short walk, or even a post-round recap where you voice what went wrong and what went right.
Processing your emotions with intention keeps you from carrying them into the next round. It’s a way to clear the mental clutter, so that when you step back on the course, you’re ready to play with focus, resilience, and an open mind.
Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome: Finding Success in the Small Steps
In pursuing a better score and lower handicap, it’s easy to fall into the trap of fixating on the outcome. We both want that perfect shot, that well-earned par or birdie. But when your focus shifts solely to the end result, you lose touch with the present moment - the small, crucial steps that ultimately lead to success.
Focusing on the process means committing to each part of your game with the same level of attention, regardless of where the ball lands. It’s about dialing in your pre-shot routine, trusting your swing, and staying present in every shot, rather than letting your mind race ahead to the final score.
When you embrace the process, you find a steady and reliable rhythm, reducing the pressure of “having” to hit the perfect shot or score a certain way. This shift in focus allows you to play with more ease, giving your game a strong foundation that’s not shaken by the occasional misstep.
Remember, lasting improvement doesn’t come from one flawless round; it comes from a consistent approach and the discipline to work through each shot with intention. So let go of the need for immediate results. Instead, commit to the process, and trust that the outcomes will take care of themselves over time.
As a Golf Hypnotherapist, I use hypnosis to unlearn and upgrade outdated, habitual ways of feeling, thinking, and behaving that are holding you back from your potential.
Click here to schedule a free Mental Game Strategy session to learn how I can help you make playing to your potential a habit.
Self-Compassion: Being Kind to Yourself, Especially When It’s Hard
After a tough round, when mistakes pile up, and frustration runs high, it’s easy to become your own harshest critic. But relentless self-criticism rarely leads to improvement; instead, it drains your confidence and adds weight to your game.
Self-compassion, on the other hand, is a powerful tool that fuels resilience and fosters a mindset ready for growth.
Practicing self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend in a similar situation. When you make a mistake, rather than tearing yourself down, acknowledge that setbacks are a normal part of growth. Remind yourself that even the best golfers have off days, and this experience doesn’t define your potential or skill.
Giving yourself grace doesn’t mean ignoring areas for improvement; it means accepting that progress isn’t always smooth, and that every round - good or bad - is part of the journey.
When you approach your game with self-compassion, you create a mental space where learning can thrive, allowing you to come back to the course with a fresh, resilient mindset.
So next time things don’t go as planned, take a breath, let go of harsh judgment, and remind yourself that growth takes time - and you’re right where you need to be.
Engage Curiosity Over Criticism: Shifting Your Mindset to Learn, Not Judge
When we make mistakes on the course, our first instinct is often to criticize ourselves: “Why did I hit that shot?” or “I can’t believe I did that again.”
But harsh self-criticism only locks us into a fixed mindset, making it harder to improve. Instead, try replacing judgment with curiosity: ask yourself why it happened with an open, inquisitive mind rather than a critical one.
Curiosity invites you to explore the reasons behind your mistakes without the emotional weight of judgment. Instead of thinking, “I’m terrible at bunker shots,” ask, “What was I focused on in that bunker? Did my setup feel right? What was my mind doing during the shot?” This shift allows you to treat each misstep as valuable data rather than a personal failure.
By engaging curiosity over criticism, you notice patterns, refine your approach, and learn what adjustments lead to better results. This mindset not only builds a foundation for steady improvement but keeps the game light and enjoyable, making it easier to bounce back and keep pushing forward.
So, next time you’re frustrated, try asking yourself, “What can I learn here?” Curiosity opens the door to growth, making each round a meaningful step on your journey.
You can learn more specifically about hypnosis (what it is not, what it is, how it works, and how I use it to help my clients unlock their potential) in either of these recent resources:
Commit to the Next Action: Staying Present and Moving Forward with Purpose
After a mistake, it’s tempting to dwell on what went wrong. But the key to bouncing back on the course lies in shifting your focus from what’s past to what’s next. Committing to the next action means letting go of the last shot or round - whether it was a triumph or a miss - and placing your full attention on what you can control right now.
This approach encourages you to focus on the small, immediate steps that set you up for success. By grounding yourself in specific actions designed to address particular learning lessons and shortcomings in your recent round, you keep your mind engaged and commitment strong, which is how progress is made.
When you make “the next action” your priority, you build a habit of resilience, reinforcing the belief that each shot is a fresh opportunity.
So, no matter what’s behind you, commit fully to what’s in front of you. A focused, deliberate next action keeps you moving forward, bringing you one step closer to the round you’re aiming for.
Ready to harness the power of your mind and the heavily research-backed strategy of visualization to play your best round of golf?
Click here to download My “play your best round” hypnosis audio recording.
Your Next Step
Every newsletter will conclude with a suggested action step and further resources on the topic we discussed.
After reading today’s newsletter, go read it again. You will - without fail (see what I did there) - have a poor performance again. However, implementing what I’ve shared today can minimize these occurrences by providing you with the fuel and focus to rapidly improve your game and mindset.
Thank you for reading today’s newsletter.
If you found it valuable, share it with a fellow golfer ready to take their game to the next level.
Until next time,
Paul
P.S. What did you think of today’s newsletter? Reply back / drop a comment below to let me know.
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