Welcome back to another issue of the More Pars Than Bogeys Newsletter.

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It has been nearly 15 years since I played my last round of golf.

It was a beautiful day in April - one of the best months of the year in Tampa, Florida - and one of my best friends and I were getting ready to play nine holes together.

It was an opportunity to catch up, have fun, and enjoy a game we loved together. 

The morning had all the ingredients for a perfect day, yet I couldn’t help but notice that as we wrapped up our warm-up on the range, I began to experience some discomfort and tightness in my chest.

“First tee nerves,” I thought to myself. 

Yet, this tightness grew stronger as the round began.

As we prepared to tee off on the second hole, the foursome behind us pulled behind us to wait.

I felt as if a jolt of tension hit me directly in the chest, and the tightness I experienced was amplified in a matter of milliseconds.

It wasn’t until the fifth hole that I finally experienced a degree of relief from the overwhelming tightness in my chest, which had begun to spread into my shoulders, neck, and upper back.

As you can imagine, it didn’t help my already rusty swing, to say the least.

Once the emotional volume of my brain finally turned down to a manageable level, I could reflect on what the hell just happened.

Those first five holes were rushed, played poorly, and, most of all, not enjoyed as they should have been.

Here I was, playing a game I loved with a dear friend on a beautiful morning, and I was consumed by a collection of emotions that left me distracted yet overly focused on the wrong things.

As I reflected further about this moment after the round was over - part of my post-round routine, which you do have, don’t you? - I recognized that I experienced the following during those first few holes of play:

• Over-excitement

• Nerves

• Pressure

• Fear of judgment

• Fear of failure

• Anxiety

• Anger

• Frustration

• Disbelief

And when I took the time to unpack them further to identify their triggers, I was able to distill my experience down to the following factors:

• I was overly excited and grateful for the experience (overly aroused to play my best).

• I cared too much about what the foursome behind us thought about my swing and game.

• I put excessive pressure on myself to play to an unrealistic standard.

• I was impatient with myself, which produced rapid anger and frustration.

The above accumulated to produce more mistakes, compounding the frustration and anger.

This was the vicious emotional cycle I was trapped in until I finally got my head above water on the fifth hole.

And, I have a hunch, that you, too, have experienced an emotional trigger that’s wreaked havoc on your mental game and physical swing during a round (or every round).

In this week’s newsletter, I’ll highlight the numerous emotional landmines a round of golf demands you navigate with calm and composure. 

I’ll help you understand how toxic they are and exactly how they’re negatively impacting both your mental and physical game.

Then, I’ll share a couple of action steps you can take - both during a round and away from the course - to help you better manage and defuse these emotions so that you can shoot more pars than bogeys.

Let’s tee it up…

The Emotional Game of Golf

In a typical round, you may experience any one of the following emotions:

• Anger

• Frustration

• Excitement

• Joy

• Shame

• Guilt

• Regret

• Envy

• Fear

• Embarrassment

• Stress

• Anxiety

• Pressure

• Overwhelm

You may even experience multiple in a single hole!

Have any of these particular emotions ever been problematic when it comes to playing to your potential?

Yeah, I thought so.

The root derivative of the word emotion is “energy in motion.” 

When you have an emotional experience, a significant amount of energy moves throughout your body. 

This is what you physically feel.

• You experience tightness in your chest when you’re stressed.

• You experience tension in your body when you’re frustrated.

• You experience heat in your body when you’re angry.

• You experience butterflies in your stomach when you’re over-excited or anxious. 

• You experience heaviness on your shoulders and neck with expectations and pressure to perform.

When unaddressed and not properly managed, each of these emotions contributes to tension and tightness throughout the body.

Why is this noteworthy?

Tension and tightness are the antithesis of the smooth, fluid swing you’ve spent hundreds of hours (and thousands of dollars) working on.

Yet, you’re playing a game rich in emotional triggers that have the potential to begin permeating your swing and facilitating a harsh, negative spiral.

Allow me to share a common and relatable example…

How Unmanaged Anger is Wreaking Havoc on Your Game

It’s the third hole of the round, and you’re coming off back-to-back double bogeys.

You’re not pleased, to say the least.

You step up to the tee box and slice your drive into the trees.

Heat radiates across your body as your anger rises.

“F%&K! You idiot,” you whisper under your breath (or maybe even yell aloud).

As you walk toward where you last saw your ball, you feel the tension rising in your body. Your mind is filled with nasty, unproductive thoughts.

Fortunately, you find your ball in bounds, but there’s still tension in your body as you line up your next shot. You struggle to focus on the present moment.

You hook your iron.

And the cycle repeats itself.

Let’s break down what happened:

• Trigger: slice your tee shot

• Emotion: anger

• Word Choice: “F%&K! You idiot.”

• Thoughts: “This is so unfair. I can’t believe this.”

• Belief: “I always slice my driver. I never play well at this course.”

• Action: You’re tense and distracted playing your next shot.

• Result: You hit another bad shot.

And on and on the vicious cycle goes, as greater emotional intensity accumulates.

Note this emotion's downstream effect on your physical and mental game, which will be the subject of next week’s newsletter (hint: subscribe if you haven’t already).

This entire downstream pattern, or unconscious reaction, is one common example of what I call a Destructive Mindset Program.

This topic will also be the central theme of an upcoming week’s newsletter (again, subscribe and stay tuned). 

For now, I want you to take a moment to reflect on which emotion(s) is most toxic in your golf game right now…

Emotions Defined

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”

Sigmund Freud

Emotions are pre-programmed, unconscious reactions to circumstances, people, or environments.

All emotions are energy. 

The root of "emotion" is "energy in motion."

You feel your emotions physically (like anxiety in your chest) because this energy is in motion, vibrating at a certain frequency.

Think about the difference you experience when playing frustrated versus playing confident…

There's a big difference in your body, swing, and score.

Emotions are learned programs. You mimic how your parents and environment express emotions.

For instance, you may not have known Dad was angry as a five-year-old, but you could feel and sense it. You learned that when Dad was angry, he yelled and screamed. So, you learned this is the response when feeling angry. 

Sound familiar with how you react on the course after a bad shot?

I thought so.

Also, think about the emotions you felt as a child—sadness, shame, anger, envy, guilt, regret—but didn't know how to handle. These emotions became repressed or stuck.

These stuck emotions resurface when you reach a threshold of emotional accumulation. 

As Sigmund Freud said:

By the way, in episode seven of The Scratch Golfer’s Mindset Podcast, I discuss a fast, effective, and research-backed strategy for directly connecting with your subconscious mind so that you can begin to unlearn or upgrade the beliefs and behaviors that are no longer serving you.

Click here to listen to this episode after you finish reading this newsletter. 

Most golfers I work with are unaware of the wide range of emotions they experience during a round. It’s usually just surface-level anger or frustration after a poor shot, if they are aware.

This isn’t enough.

You must identify and label your emotions to improve your game and shoot more pars than bogeys. You must also describe how and where they are present in your body and recognize how they prevent you from playing your best.

Only then can you do the necessary work to defuse and lessen the impact of those toxic emotions.

IMPORTANT: Several short-term strategies exist to better manage and regulate emotions on the course. However, to truly defuse stuck emotions, you must do the deep work away from the course to dismantle the triggers and unconscious reactions.

On-The-Course Emotional Off-Gassing Strategies

By now, you recognize that there’s no shortage of opportunities to trigger a toxic emotional reaction while playing golf.

It’s not a matter of if, but when you’ll step on one of these triggers.

The key isn’t avoiding them; it’s learning how to defuse their intensity so you can stay calm, focused, and present.

When you’re emotionally constipated, emotional intensity builds up under the surface, leading to an inevitable outburst like a pressure cooker exploding!

That’s why it’s crucial to learn some go-to emotional regulation and expression techniques and have a few emotional expression behaviors in your daily and weekly routine.

Today, I want to share two specific breathing techniques I teach all my Golf Mindset Coaching clients.

Emotionally Off-Gas with The Rapid Reset Breath: This breath aims to bring immediate attention to the present moment before off-gassing whatever accumulating emotion is beginning to step into the driver’s seat of your decision-making. Here’s how it’s done:

1. Take two sharp inhales through your nose.

2. Exhale audibly through your mouth for three seconds.

3. Take two sharp inhales through your nose.

4. Exhale audibly through your mouth for six seconds.

5. Take two sharp inhales through your nose.

6. Exhale audibly through your mouth for nine seconds.

That is one round of the rapid reset breath, which will help you off-gas any pent-up emotion that’s spilling over.

I recommend you implement this immediately after you notice a surge in toxic emotion - think a bad shot - or while on the ride to the next hole or shot. 

Emotionally Regulate with the 1:1-2-3 Breath: This breath aims to drastically reduce the volume of your emotional experience, which helps you raise the volume of your rational, logical mind.

1. Inhale through your nose for four seconds.

2. Exhale through your mouth - with pursed lips as if you’re blowing out a birthday candle - for four seconds. 

3. Inhale through your nose for four seconds.

4. Exhale through your mouth - with pursed lips as if you’re blowing out a birthday candle - for eight seconds. 

5. Inhale through your nose for four seconds.

6. Exhale through your mouth - with pursed lips as if you’re blowing out a birthday candle - for twelve seconds. 

This is one round of the 1:1-2-3 breath.

You’ll notice that after completing this, you’re present, much calmer than before, and able to consciously respond to how to think and act in the next moment.

I recommend you implement this on the ride to the next hole or while waiting for your partner to hit their next shot. 

And you’re welcome.

You can now use this powerful tool while stuck in a Zoom meeting, trapped in traffic, or dealing with any other inevitable trigger life throws your way. 

Your Next Step

Every newsletter will conclude with a suggested action step and further resources on the topic we discussed.

First, if you haven’t listened to episode four of The Scratch Golfer’s Mindset Podcast, you need to. 

It gives a raw, tangible look into how unmanaged emotion wreaks havoc on your golf swing and ability to shoot more pars. 

Click here to listen to “Guilt, Goals, and Greens: How Off-the-Course Emotion May Be Sabotaging Your Swing (and what to do about it)”

Your action step after reading this newsletter - it’s okay to read it twice! - is to bring a level of non-judgmental awareness and curiosity into your next lens to identify the following information:

• What emotions do I experience during my round?

• Choose the one you experience most and rate it on a scale of 1 - 10 (10 = very intense, 1 = very low).

• Describe how that emotion helped you play better.

• Describe how that emotion held you back from playing to your potential.

• Note what may have preceded feeling that emotion, e.g., what was the triggering event?

At the end of your round, you’ll have much more clarity on how, when, and where unmanaged emotion negatively impacts your game.

This clarifies where you need to spend time doing work away from the range to defuse the intensity of these emotional triggers so that you can shoot more pars than bogeys. 

Of course, you should start implementing one or both of the breathing techniques I detailed in your next round.

Thank you for reading today’s newsletter.

If you found it valuable, share it with a fellow golfer who struggles with emotional regulation.

Play well and have fun!

Until next time,

Paul

P.S. What did you think of today’s newsletter? Reply back / drop a comment below to let me know.

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