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Thank you for reading this week’s More Pars Than Bogeys Newsletter. If you find it valuable, could you forward this email to a fellow golfer?

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You can click here to read the online version of this week’s newsletter. 

And be sure to catch up on this week’s podcast episode:

• #91: Toxic Positivity: Why “Just Stay Positive” Holds You Back

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about how mindset coaching and hypnotherapy can help you get unstuck from the proverbial bunker of poor performance on (and off) the course, click here to schedule a coaching discovery call with me. 

You’ve been there.

On the course, you make a double bogey early in the round. Inside, you’re boiling. But instead of letting yourself process the frustration, you slap on a grin, tell yourself “just stay positive,” and try to fake your way back into focus.

At work, the same thing happens. Revenue is down, your stress is climbing, but in front of your team, you put on a happy face and say, “Everything’s fine. We’ll push through.”

And in relationships, maybe you’ve caught yourself avoiding conflict. Something bothered you, but instead of voicing it, you forced a smile, said “it’s not a big deal,” and carried on—even as resentment brewed underneath.

Sound familiar?

This is toxic positivity at work. 

And while it sounds noble—even admirable—it quietly sabotages your golf, your leadership, and your relationships.

In today’s newsletter, you’ll learn:

• What toxic positivity really is (and why it’s a form of self-sabotage)

• How it shows up in golf, business, and relationships

• Why we do it (with research on belonging, fear of rejection, and emotional avoidance)

• Why your brain is wired for negativity—and how to leverage it as fuel

• The difference between being nice and being kind

Let’s tee off!

What Toxic Positivity Really Is

Toxic positivity is the belief that you should maintain a happy, optimistic mindset at all times, no matter what’s happening.

It’s covering up frustration, anger, or fear with clichés like “stay positive” or “look on the bright side.”

It’s slapping a smile over the sting of a mistake rather than processing the reality of what you feel.

At its core, toxic positivity is emotional avoidance disguised as optimism.

The problem is this: avoiding the discomfort doesn’t make it go away. It just buries it deeper. And the more you bury frustration or anger, the more energy it drains from you—energy that could otherwise be used to focus, reset, and move forward.

How Toxic Positivity Shows Up

On the Course:

• After a blow-up hole, you tell yourself “just stay positive” while your mind is still racing with anger.

• You smile and joke with your group even though you’re embarrassed inside.

• You repeat affirmations like “I’ve got this” without actually believing them.

In Business:

• You tell your team “we’re crushing it” when the truth is you’re worried about payroll.

• You play the upbeat leader role while secretly carrying the weight of fear, doubt, and pressure.

• You keep telling yourself and your partners “we just need to grind harder” when, deep down, you know the real issue is a flawed strategy or lack of systems. Instead of facing the uncomfortable truth, you bury it under cheerleading.

In Relationships:

• You avoid difficult conversations, choosing to “be grateful” or “not rock the boat.”

• You prioritize keeping the peace over speaking your truth, even when honesty would serve the relationship better.

• Your spouse or partner opens up about being hurt by something you said or did. Instead of leaning into the discomfort and listening, you reply with “let’s not dwell on the negative, let’s just be happy.” 

On the surface, this looks like strength. 

But underneath, it’s avoidance. And avoidance is always costly.

Sound familiar?

If you’re serious about taking your game to the next level - on and off the course - click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call to learn how I can help you plug your energy leaks and play to your potential.

Why We Do It

Here’s the truth: toxic positivity is not a character flaw—it’s a learned coping mechanism.

From an early age, you were conditioned to repress emotions. Think about the messages you heard growing up:

• “Don’t cry.”

• “Don’t be mad.”

• “Shake it off.”

• “Suck it up.”

These phrases, though often well-intentioned, trained you to avoid discomfort instead of process it. And beneath this conditioning lies something even deeper: your brain’s primal need to belong.

Psychologists like Abraham Maslow have long emphasized belonging as a core human need. Evolutionary psychologists argue that, historically, rejection from the tribe could mean death. That wiring still lives in you today.

So what happens? 

You learn to hide the messy emotions—anger, fear, sadness—because showing them might risk rejection. You cover them with positivity, and common thoughts such as:

• If I’m always upbeat, people will accept me. 

• If I never complain, I’ll belong.

• If I don’t acknowledge anger I’ll never feel it.

In reality, this constant “masking” keeps you stuck:

• On the course, it creates unresolved frustration that sabotages your ability to reset.

• In business, it disconnects you from authentic leadership, because your team can feel the gap between your words and your energy.

• In relationships, it builds resentment, because avoiding conflict today only guarantees bigger conflict tomorrow.

And perhaps most dangerously, it creates a performance ceiling. 

The energy you spend avoiding discomfort is energy you don’t have available to execute, to focus, to grow.

(Psst…click here to learn more about the upper-limit problem, which is the unconscious, self-imposed limit you place on the amount of success, happiness, and money you can attain). 

My Battle with Toxic Positivity

I know this pattern well—because I lived it.

For years, I thought I was too “evolved” to handle negativity. 

I prided myself on always being positive. With my ex-wife, I’d say, “Let’s not talk about that—we should only focus on the positives.” But what I was really saying was, “I don’t want to feel the discomfort of this conversation.”

I carried the same avoidance into my coaching. Early on, I gave clients what they wanted—praise, positivity, reassurance—so they’d like me. 

The result? Mediocre progress.

Eventually, I realized the truth: when I stopped trying to be “nice” and started being kind—giving clients the truth they needed, even when it was uncomfortable—they got better results.

And ironically, they liked me even more.

That was the turning point.

Why Negativity is Wired Into You

Your brain isn’t designed to make you happy—it’s designed to keep you alive.

That’s why it’s hardwired to constantly scan your environment for threats. 

Psychologists call this the negativity bias: your mind gives more weight to danger, risk, and negative emotions than to positivity. Thousands of years ago, this bias was a survival advantage. Today, it shows up every time you fixate on a bad shot, a tense conversation, or a financial worry.

Negativity is, in many ways, your default state. And the harder you try to deny it, the stronger it pushes back.

The real breakthrough comes when you learn to operate from this place. Negative emotions are not weaknesses—they’re part of the human experience. And when you learn to acknowledge them and leverage their energy, they become potent fuel.

• Anger can sharpen focus. 

• Fear can heighten awareness. 

• Frustration can lock you in on what really matters. 

These emotions can narrow your attention, create presence, and drive execution—if you work with them instead of against them.

Learning to Perform When Conditions Aren’t Ideal

Here’s a truth that separates elite performers from everyone else: most of the time, conditions aren’t perfect.

Think about your workouts…

Out of five in a week, three are usually just “meh.” One feels like an absolute grind. And one feels amazing.

Golf works the same way. 

You’ll rarely have all parts of your game firing at once. More often than not, you’ll be battling something—your swing feels off, your putting stroke is shaky, or you’re just mentally flat.

If you only know how to play well when everything feels perfect, you’ll stay stuck.

Champions learn how to operate in spite of the struggle. They’ve trained themselves to acknowledge what’s off, manage their emotions, and still execute with focus and presence.

And the ability to leverage negative emotions—rather than avoid them—is one of the most powerful tools you can add to your game.

Being Nice Versus Kind

This is where Dr. Aziz Gazipura’s work in his life-changing book, “Not Nice,” lands so powerfully.

There’s a difference between being nice and being kind. You’re conditioned to be nice to fit in and belong. 

• Being nice means avoiding discomfort, telling people what they want to hear, smoothing things over.

• Being kind means telling the truth with courage, because it’s in someone’s best interest—even when it’s uncomfortable.

In golf, being “nice” to yourself means brushing off a mistake with fake positivity. Being kind means acknowledging the frustration, taking a breath, and resetting with intention.

In business or your marriage, being “nice” means avoiding hard conversations. Being kind means having them—with honesty and love—because the relationship matters.

Authentic Optimism: The Upgrade

Toxic positivity says: “Everything’s fine” when it’s not.

Authentic optimism says: “This is hard. This hurts. But I believe I can handle it, and I’m committed to moving forward.”

Golf version: After topping a drive, saying, “Yeah, that was ugly. But I’ve got the next swing, and I’m ready to commit.”

Business version: Admitting numbers are tough and saying, “Here’s the plan, and I believe we’ll find a way.”

Authentic optimism integrates both the light and the dark. It’s not about ignoring your frustration—it’s about owning it and choosing courage anyway.

Final Thought

Toxic positivity feels noble. 

But it’s actually sabotage.

The golfers, leaders, and partners who truly thrive aren’t the ones who avoid discomfort with fake smiles. They’re the ones who acknowledge the darkness, take accountability, and keep moving forward anyway.

That’s authentic optimism. 

And that’s how you unlock your potential.

Hypnosis is one of the most effective ways I’ve found to help golfers unlearn the need to be liked, dismantle avoidance patterns, and strengthen their “I don’t give a fuck” (IDGAF) muscle so they can show up authentically on and off the course.

If you’re ready to stop covering up and start moving forward—to face what’s real and unlock your next level—click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call.

Your Next Step

Every newsletter will conclude with a suggested action step and further resources on the topic we discussed.

After reading today’s newsletter, take an honest mental audit and get curious about how and where toxic positivity is sabotaging your next-level success upgrade. 

If you have any questions, feel free to DM me on Instagram (@thegolfhypnotherapist) or send me an email directly: [email protected]

Thank you for reading today’s newsletter.

If you found it valuable, share it with a fellow golfer ready to take their game to the next level.

Until next time,

Paul

P.S. What did you think of today’s newsletter? Reply back / drop a comment below to let me know.

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