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- The Gap and the Gain
Hey Fellow Golfer -
Thank you for reading this week’s More Pars Than Bogeys Newsletter. If you find it valuable, could you forward this email to a fellow golfer?
Thank you.
You can click here to read the online version of this week’s newsletter.
And be sure to catch up on this week’s podcast episode, where I had the privilege of sitting down with Mark Immelman:
P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about how mindset coaching and hypnotherapy can help you get unstuck from the proverbial bunker of poor performance on (and off) the course, click here to schedule a coaching discovery call with me.
Mike stood on the 18th tee, gripping his driver with feelings of frustration and defeat…
It had been a long, exhausting round.
He’d started with high hopes, ready to prove he could finally string together the kind of performance that might edge him closer to a single-digit handicap.
But as the final hole loomed, all he could think about was how far he still had to go.
"Why can’t I just get there already?" he muttered, replaying every chunked wedge, three-putt, and wayward drive.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to feel.
A year ago, Mike was thrilled when he broke 90 for the first time. Now, as a 12 handicap, that excitement had faded and been replaced with frustration and doubt.
Can you relate?
In today’s newsletter, you’ll learn a critical mindset shift that will empower you to view your progress through a more positive, productive lens.
Specifically, I’ll introduce you to the concept known as “The Gap and The Gain,” which will help you upgrade your self-talk and believe in yourself, thus having a significant impact on your ability to remain committed to the process of achieving your goals.
Let’s tee off!
The Gap
Mike’s story is no different from most golfers who place high expectations on themselves.
What starts as an intoxicating journey that yields fast progress inevitably shifts into an arduous one that produces frustration and doubt.
In Mike’s case - likely yours, too - he was obsessing over the distance between where he was now and where he wanted to be (a scratch golfer).
This is known as the gap.
Dan Sullivan, author of “The Gap and the Gain,” defines the gap as “the mental space where you focus on the difference between your current reality and your ideal future.”
It’s when you measure yourself against an ideal or a standard you haven’t yet achieved, which can leave you feeling inadequate, frustrated, or unfulfilled.
“The ‘gap’ is the mental space where you focus on the difference between your current reality and your ideal future.”
Measuring progress through the gap mindset - focusing on how far you are from your goals - negatively impacts how you speak to yourself and how you feel about your journey.
Common thoughts and phrases from this mindset might include:
“I’m so far away.”
“I’ll never get there.”
“It’ll take a miracle for me to achieve my goal.”
Click here to learn how (and why) to upgrade your self-talk.
Over time, this approach can lead to:
Diminished motivation: Feeling stuck and questioning whether the effort is worth it.
Destructive self-talk: Doubting your abilities, purpose, and why you started.
Chaotic or fixed mindset: Struggling to focus or seeing improvement as impossible.
Emotional toll: Frustration, disappointment, and loss of confidence, self-esteem, and belief.
External validation dependence: Measuring success based on others’ approval rather than internal fulfillment.
At its core, the gap mindset is rooted in need, scarcity, lack, and fear, which can create an unhealthy sense of urgency and desperation.
Instead of driving meaningful progress, it fosters frustration and self-doubt, making staying motivated and focused on your goals even harder.
Fortunately, there’s another way to measure progress - it just may be a bit backward compared to what you’re accustomed to doing or even go against everything you’ve ever been taught…
The Gain
“The way to measure progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal.”
Picking back up with Mike’s story…
After another disappointing round, Mike sat down to review his scorecard in detail while completing his after-round reflection and report.
You do this, too, correct?
While reviewing his scorecard, something caught his eye.
He noticed that his driving accuracy had improved significantly since the start of the year and that his short game - once a disaster - was becoming a strength.
Sure, there were still mistakes, but his overall consistency was light-years ahead of where he’d been just 12 months ago.
A thought hit him: If I were to tell the Mike from a year ago that he’d be a 12 handicap today, he’d be over the moon.
At that moment, Mike felt a shift.
He realized he had two ways to measure his progress: focus on the gap between where he was and where he wanted to be or focus on the gain - the undeniable improvement he’d made through hard work and persistence.
Author Dan Sullivan defines the gain as “a mindset and practice of measuring progress by looking backward at how far you’ve come, rather than forward at how far you still have to go.”
It is about recognizing and appreciating your growth, accomplishments, and the lessons you’ve learned along the way.
“The ‘gain’ can be defined as a mindset and practice of measuring progress by looking backward at how far you’ve come, rather than forward at how far you still have to go.”
This mindset allows you to recognize progress and growth, fostering gratitude, confidence, and fulfillment. Living in the gain reframes challenges as opportunities to reflect on how far you’ve come, which creates momentum and a positive outlook for continued progress.
Sullivan emphasizes that consistently shifting your focus from the gap to the gain is key to long-term happiness and motivation.
When you focus on how far you’ve come, it fosters empowering thoughts and emotions, such as:
Pride and accomplishment: Recognizing your growth creates a sense of achievement.
Confidence and belief: Boosts self-esteem and reinforces trust in your abilities.
Optimism: Encourages a positive outlook on challenges and future possibilities.
Motivation and focus: Strengthens your drive and sharpens your efforts toward continued growth.
A growth mindset: Embraces challenges as opportunities to learn and improve.
Internal validation: Measures success by your progress, not external comparisons.
Gratitude and peace: Brings contentment and happiness with where you are now.
This mindset creates a positive feedback loop:
Acknowledge progress.
Build belief in your ability to achieve more.
Increase effort and energy.
Make even more progress.
This is an ideal loop to be stuck in.
The gain mindset is driven by gratitude and abundance, helping you focus on what you’ve achieved rather than what’s missing.
Pro Tip: In any situation, you are either in the gap or the gain - you cannot be in both simultaneously.
To stay in the gain, it’s essential to define what progress looks like and regularly reflect on how and where you’ve made it. Doing so anchors yourself in appreciation, confidence, and forward momentum that fuels ongoing success.
To put it bluntly, you already know what to do to achieve your ultimate goal.
You don’t have a lack of information problem; you have a mindset problem.
That’s where I come into play and why so many avid, amateur, and aspiring professional golfers have hired me this off-season so that they can experience a next-level breakthrough in 2025.
If you’re serious about getting out of your own way and playing to your potential, click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call to learn how I can help you make playing to your potential a habit.
How to Make the Gain Mindset a Habit
Living in the gain is a skill that takes practice.
Here are seven steps to help you build this mindset into your daily routine and transform how you approach your golf game:
Reflect After Every Round: Identify three shots, decisions, or moments you’re proud of. Compare your performance to past rounds to recognize improvements, no matter how small.
Track Your Progress: Keep a golf journal to document milestones, such as fewer three-putts or improved driving accuracy. Revisit old entries regularly to see how far you’ve come over time.
Reframe Mistakes as Opportunities: View mistakes as valuable lessons, not failures. Celebrate the effort and persistence it takes to face challenges and try new approaches.
Practice Gratitude: After every round or practice session, list three things you’re grateful for about your game. Focus on the privilege of learning and growing, reminding yourself that improvement is a journey.
Set Small, Achievable Goals: Create process-focused goals, like staying present on every shot or fully committing to every putt. Celebrate mini-wins along the way to reinforce your progress and build confidence.
My 2025 goal-setting manifesto will help you effectively set goals to achieve your potential. You can read it here.
Measure Backward, Not Forward: Regularly ask yourself: How have I improved in the last week, month, or year? Compare your progress to your past self, not to others or an ideal standard.
By taking these steps, you’ll train your mind to focus on the gain, helping you build confidence, motivation, and a deeper enjoyment of the game. Over time, this mindset shift will improve your golf performance and enrich your life on and off the course.
As a Golf Hypnotherapist, I use hypnosis to unlearn and upgrade outdated, habitual ways of feeling, thinking, and behaving that are holding you back from your potential.
Click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call to learn how I can help you make playing to your potential a habit.
Your Next Step
Every newsletter will conclude with a suggested action step and further resources on the topic we discussed.
After reading today’s newsletter, look inward and assess how you typically measure progress…
Then, commit to auditing your self-talk and thoughts about yourself and your game so that you filter them through the lens of a “gain” mindset.
If you have any questions, feel free to DM me on Instagram (@thegolfhypnotherapist) or send me an email directly: [email protected]
After reading today’s newsletter, I want you to take the time to complete each step in my goal-setting process. Then, share it with me via email or on social media.
Thank you for reading today’s newsletter.
If you found it valuable, share it with a fellow golfer ready to take their game to the next level.
Until next time,
Paul
P.S. What did you think of today’s newsletter? Reply back / drop a comment below to let me know.
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