Hey Fellow Golfer - 

Thank you for reading this week’s More Pars Than Bogeys Newsletter. If you find it valuable, could you forward this email to a fellow golfer?

Thank you.

You can click here to read the online version of this week’s newsletter. 

And be sure to catch up on this week’s podcast episode:

• #111: A Peak Performance Upgrade: Seeing Triggers as Teachers

• #112: [Inside the Mind] Dr. Alison Curdt: Achievement is a Drug and Calibrating Psychological-Induced Pressure

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about how mindset coaching and hypnotherapy can help you get unstuck from the proverbial bunker of poor performance on (and off) the course, click here to schedule a coaching discovery call with me. 

You’ve felt it before.

A playing partner loses it after a bad shot—slams a club, curses at the sky—and suddenly your entire nervous system tightens. 

Or your spouse, your kids, or your employees act complacent or unmotivated, and you feel irritation spreading through your chest before you even know what’s happening.

And, of course, you tell yourself a familiar story:

• “They’re the problem.”

• “They’re being dramatic.”

• “They’re lazy, controlling, selfish, ridiculous.”

But here is the uncomfortable truth most people never consider: Those emotionally charged moments often have very little to do with the other person…and everything to do with you.

Your biggest triggers aren’t random—they’re reflections. They’re mirrors showing you the parts of yourself you’ve worked hard to avoid, deny, or bury.

And if you’re willing to lean into this idea, your relationship with golf, business, and every meaningful part of your life will change.

In this newsletter, you’ll learn…

• How the holographic theory of the universe explains why people feel like mirrors

• What Debbie Ford’s work on the shadow reveals about your emotional triggers

• Why your frustrations on the course and in business are actually invitations to look inward

• A practical shadow-work process you can use anywhere

• How golf hypnosis and hypnotherapy for golf help you dissolve the internal blocks that sabotage performance

Let’s tee off!

(I cannot recommend Debbie’s book enough: “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers.” (not an affiliate link)).

The Holographic Universe: Why Other People Reflect You Back to Yourself

The holographic theory of the universe proposes that every small piece of a hologram contains the information of the entire image. Break it apart, and each fragment still holds the whole—just expressed differently.

Now consider what that means for you:

You are not only confident, or only anxious, or only disciplined. You are a collection of parts—confident, anxious, patient, selfish, optimistic, angry, compassionate, jealous, loving—all coexisting within you. 

Different parts show up in different moments, with different intensities. 

Every part is real. 

Every part belongs.

So when someone’s behavior sets you off—when their laziness, anger, neediness, or control makes your blood boil—it’s often because that same trait lives somewhere inside you.

• It may not be the trait you lead with.

• It may not be the trait you’re proud of.

• It may be the trait you’ve tried hardest to deny or hide.

But it’s there.

And when the outside world activates it, you react—not to them, but to the part of you that feels exposed.

The Shadow You’ve Been Avoiding

Debbie Ford, in The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, describes this phenomenon as the shadow—the collection of traits you’ve rejected, disowned, or pushed into the dark because at some point, you decided they were unacceptable.

Maybe you were told:

• Don’t be selfish.

• Don’t be angry.

• Don’t be emotional.

• Don’t be needy.

Or maybe you were praised only for being responsible, composed, independent, disciplined—so you learned to suppress anything that didn’t fit the image.

But the traits you deny don’t disappear. They simply take up residence in your subconscious, waiting for a moment to remind you they still exist.

And as Debbie Ford teaches: what you refuse to own in yourself, you project onto others.

• You see selfishness in someone else because you’ve spent years trying not to be selfish.

• You see complacency in your kids or employees because you’re quietly coasting yourself.

• You’re enraged by someone’s emotional outburst because you’ve spent a lifetime suppressing your own.

Your trigger is the flashlight pointing at the part of you you’ve tried hardest not to see.

If you’re serious about taking your game to the next level - on and off the course - click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call to learn how I can help you plug your energy leaks and play to your potential.

When Golf Becomes the Clearest Mirror

Golf is perhaps the clearest—and cruelest—mirror you have access to. It doesn’t lie, and it doesn’t care about the version of yourself you wish you were.

Picture this: you’re paired with a golfer who unravels after every mistake. He slams clubs, berates himself, and blames the course, the wind, the universe. 

You tell yourself you’re annoyed at him… but the truth is you’re reacting to the part of you that still behaves the same way internally, even if you’ve learned to hide it externally.

Or maybe slow, indecisive golfers drive you crazy. But when you zoom out, you know you’ve been dragging your feet on the business decision, the fitness commitment, the difficult conversation, the uncomfortable action.

What annoys you in others is often what disappoints you in yourself.

Golf doesn’t expose your swing nearly as much as it exposes your shadow.

(Ouch). 

And, off the course, the pattern doesn’t change…

Your triggers show up everywhere:

• You judge an employee for being unmotivated while you’ve been avoiding the priorities that actually move the needle.

• You criticize your partner for “needing too much” while you’re silently craving support but afraid to ask for it.

• You roll your eyes at someone bragging online because there’s a part of you desperate to be acknowledged for the work you do.

Different environment, same pattern.

The people who frustrate you most often reveal the part of you that wants attention, honesty, or healing.

And the moment you stop blaming them and start examining yourself is the moment meaningful change begins.

A Simple Shadow-Work Process You Can Use Anytime

Shadow work doesn’t require a retreat, a meditation cushion, or a week in Sedona. It requires honesty, curiosity, and a willingness to sit with discomfort instead of running from it.

Here’s a process you can begin using today:

Step #1: Notice the Trigger

Instead of instantly justifying your reaction, pause long enough to identify the trait you’re labeling:

• selfish

• lazy

• dramatic

• controlling

• irresponsible

• weak

• arrogant

Name it clearly. That label is your first clue.

Step #2. Bring the Mirror Up

Ask yourself a question most people avoid: “Where does this trait live in me?”

Where have you been:

• controlling?

• complacent?

• needy?

• reactive?

• afraid?

• selfish?

It’s rarely the exact behavior—it’s the energy underneath it.

The part in them is pointing you toward the part in you.

Step #3. Own It, Then Upgrade It

Once you find the part, don’t shame it. Don’t suppress it further. Own it so you can work with it rather than against it.

• “I can be selfish.”

• “I can be lazy.”

• “I can be controlling.”

• “I can be angry.”

Now you get to decide how to channel that trait constructively:

• Selfish → selflessly selfish: you protect your time and energy so you can fully show up for others.

• Controlling → clear standards: you communicate boundaries instead of manipulating outcomes.

• Lazy → strategic rest: you pause intentionally instead of hiding in avoidance.

• Angry → emotional intelligence: you acknowledge your frustration without letting it dictate your actions.

This is how shadow becomes strength – ot by eliminating the part, but by integrating it.

If you’re serious about taking your game to the next level - on and off the course - click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call to learn how I can help you plug your energy leaks and play to your potential.

The Energy Cost of Pretending You Don’t Have a Shadow

Suppressing the parts of yourself you don’t like is exhausting. It drains the mental and emotional energy you need to:

• stay present over the ball

• make smart decisions in your business

• show up for your family

• stay disciplined with your habits

• follow through on what you know you need to do

Every time you pretend you’re not selfish, or angry, or jealous, or afraid, you expend more energy hiding the feeling than you would acknowledging it.

When you finally admit, “Yes, this part exists,” you reclaim that energy. You free up the internal bandwidth you’ve been using to protect an image instead of living in alignment.

Wholeness isn’t perfection. Wholeness is the honest integration of every part of you—especially the ones you’ve avoided.

How Hypnosis Accelerates Shadow Integration

Shadow work happens in the subconscious, not the conscious mind. That’s why insight alone—“Ah, I guess I am controlling”—rarely leads to lasting change.

Through hypnosis, you can:

• access the subconscious patterns that drive your reactions

• soften the guilt, shame, and resistance around the parts of yourself you’ve denied

• build new associations around traits you’ve mislabeled as “bad”

• upgrade outdated beliefs that keep you stuck in fear, frustration, or self-sabotage

• create the foundation of authentic confidence that stays steady even when things get difficult

When you integrate your shadow…

• your golf game changes.

• your leadership changes.

• your relationships change.

• your ability to stay calm, disciplined, and focused changes.

And your energy—often for the first time in years—comes back online.

Final Thought

At some point, you reach a crossroads.

You can keep reacting to the same triggers, blaming the same people, repeating the same patterns, and wondering why your golf game, business performance, or personal life still feels heavier than it should…

Or you can decide—right now—to look inward.

• To take ownership.

• To integrate the parts of yourself you’ve been wrestling with for years.

• To learn from your triggers instead of being controlled by them.

• To finally become whole—confident, grounded, aligned, and emotionally free.

If you’re ready to step into that version of yourself…

If you’re ready to dismantle the destructive mindset patterns keeping you stuck…

If you’re ready to do the deeper inner work that transforms not just your golf performance but your entire life…

I would love to guide you there.

As a Mindset and Performance Coach, I help golfers and entrepreneurs do the inner work that leads to outer breakthroughs—through a combination of hypnosis, subconscious rewiring, and identity-level mindset coaching.

If this newsletter hit home…

If something in you knows it’s time…

If you feel ready for what’s next…

Book your mindset coaching discovery call with me today.

Let’s take the next step together—and start creating the version of you who feels whole, confident, and capable of far more than you’ve allowed yourself to experience.

I’m here when you’re ready.

Your Next Step

Every newsletter will conclude with a suggested action step and further resources on the topic we discussed.

After reading today’s newsletter, set aside 30 minutes to complete the shadow work exercise I shared. And, then go order Debbie’s book. 

If you have any questions, feel free to DM me on Instagram (@thegolfhypnotherapist) or send me an email directly: [email protected]

Thank you for reading today’s newsletter.

If you found it valuable, share it with a fellow golfer ready to take their game to the next level.

Until next time,

Paul

P.S. What did you think of today’s newsletter? Reply back / drop a comment below to let me know.

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