Hey Fellow Golfer - 

Thank you for reading this week’s More Pars Than Bogeys Newsletter. If you find it valuable, could you forward this email to a fellow golfer?

Thank you.

You can click here to read the online version of this week’s newsletter. 

And be sure to catch up on this week’s podcast episode:

• #127: Stop Affirming. Start Asking. The Fastest Way to Goal Achievement

• #128: [Inside the Mind] Matthew Caldaroni: Building Systems for Resilience, Certainty, and Confidence - When You Need Them Most

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about how mindset coaching and hypnotherapy can help you get unstuck from the proverbial bunker of poor performance on (and off) the course, click here to schedule a coaching discovery call with me. 

You’ve stood there before…

Middle of the fairway. Perfect number. No trouble in play.

And yet—something feels off.

• You rush the routine.

• Your mind drifts to outcome instead of execution.

• You swing with hesitation instead of commitment.

The shot isn’t terrible… but it’s not you.

And walking toward the green, a familiar frustration creeps in—not because you don’t know what to do, but because you do know.

• You know the practice you skipped.

• You know the discipline you negotiated with.

• You know the standards you relaxed when no one was watching.

That moment isn’t a swing problem. It’s a relationship-with-yourself problem.

Most golfers don’t fall short because they lack information, talent, or desire. They fall short because their internal dialogue collapses under pressure—and with it, their ability to trust themselves when it matters most.

That’s what we’re going to address today.

In this newsletter, you’ll learn:

• Why confidence is built through self-talk—not talent or motivation

• Why traditional affirmations often backfire under pressure

• How asking better questions rewires discipline and execution

• The science of cognitive dissonance—and how to use it to your advantage

• A simple, daily framework to strengthen trust in yourself on and off the course

Let’s tee off!

Confidence is a Built by the Words You Use to Speak to Yourself

Confidence has been studied for decades across sport psychology, behavioral science, and neuroscience. And while it’s often talked about as a trait—something you either “have” or “don’t have”—the research tells a very different story.

One of the most consistent findings is this:

Confidence is not a personality trait. It’s a byproduct of your relationship with yourself.

More specifically, it’s shaped by your self-talk.

Research in sport psychology has repeatedly shown that the way athletes speak to themselves directly influences performance, emotional regulation, and resilience under pressure. 

Studies on instructional and motivational self-talk demonstrate that athletes who develop effective internal dialogue show improvements in focus, execution, confidence, and recovery after mistakes—while those with poorly structured self-talk experience greater anxiety, tension, and performance breakdowns.

In simple terms: Your brain is always listening.

And it believes what you repeatedly tell it—especially in moments of stress.

That means confidence isn’t built by hype or bravado. It’s built moment by moment through how you narrate your experience.

Specifically:

• How you speak to yourself after a mistake

• How you explain failure internally

• How quickly you recover and refocus

• How you respond when effort feels uncomfortable

Neuroscience helps explain why this matters so much. Under pressure, your nervous system is constantly scanning for threat or safety. Your internal dialogue acts as a signal.

• Supportive, task-focused self-talk helps regulate arousal and keeps you in a performance-ready state.

• Judgmental or vague self-talk, on the other hand, triggers a stress response that narrows focus, tightens the body, and erodes trust.

Your internal dialogue isn’t background noise. It’s instruction.

And over time, those instructions condition how your nervous system responds when the round tightens, the match gets close, or expectations creep in.

This is why so many golfers unknowingly sabotage themselves—not through overt negativity, but through self-talk that sounds productive on the surface yet quietly undermines trust.

Statements that feel motivating but don’t align with behavior. Internal narratives that rush past mistakes instead of resolving them. Language that pressures instead of stabilizes.

Confidence doesn’t erode all at once. It erodes through thousands of small conversations you have with yourself when no one else is listening.

And the good news?

Those conversations are trainable.

Why Affirmations Often Fail Under Pressure

Positive affirmations and identity statements do have value. They help clarify intention, direction, and aspiration. They give language to the person you’re trying to become.

There’s an excellent tool - not the end-all be-all.

Here’s the part most golfers don’t understand—and where things quietly go wrong.

When an affirmation conflicts with your current identity, habits, or lived evidence, your subconscious mind doesn’t absorb it.

It resists it.

Research in self-perception theory and self-verification theory shows that people are motivated to maintain consistency between how they see themselves and the feedback they accept as true. 

When a statement feels incongruent, the brain doesn’t internalize it—it challenges it.

So when you say: “I’m disciplined.” Your subconscious immediately scans for proof.

And if the strongest evidence it finds is: “You skipped short-game practice three times this week,” the statement doesn’t build confidence.

It creates internal friction.

Instead of reinforcing belief, the brain generates quiet counterarguments. Doubt. Hesitation. A subtle loss of trust. Over time, this weakens your relationship with yourself—especially under pressure, when trust matters most.

This is why affirmations often feel good in calm moments but collapse in competitive ones.

Your nervous system doesn’t respond to what you say you are. It responds to what your behavior has repeatedly proven.

If you’re serious about taking your business and self to the next level, click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call to learn how I can help you achieve your potential and scale both your impact and income.

The Research-Backed Upgrade: Ask Better Questions

Behavioral science offers a far more effective alternative—one that works with your psychology instead of against it.

Across multiple decades of research, including large-scale meta-analyses in social and behavioral psychology, one finding consistently emerges:

Asking questions is more effective than making statements when it comes to changing behavior.

Why?

Because questions engage the brain differently.

Statements are passive. They can be ignored, dismissed, or mentally negotiated with.

Questions, on the other hand, demand participation.

When you ask yourself a question, your brain automatically begins searching for an answer. This activates executive function, self-regulation, and decision-making pathways—rather than the defensive or avoidant responses triggered by forced declarations.

In simple terms:

• Statements talk at the mind

• Questions pull the mind into the process

This is why great coaches ask questions instead of giving lectures.

And it’s why upgrading your self-talk from statements to questions immediately increases ownership, engagement, and follow-through.

You’re no longer telling yourself who you should be.

You’re inviting yourself to choose.

If you’re serious about taking your game to the next level - on and off the course - click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call to learn how I can help you make playing to your potential a habit. 

Cognitive Dissonance: The Hidden Lever of Change

This is where questions become truly powerful.

A well-framed question activates cognitive dissonance—the psychological discomfort experienced when your actions don’t align with your values, goals, or desired identity.

Cognitive dissonance has been studied extensively since the 1950s, and one principle remains consistent: Humans are deeply motivated to reduce internal inconsistency.

For example: “Will I spend 90 minutes this week working on my short game?”

That question immediately highlights a potential gap between:

The golfer you want to be and the golfer your current behavior supports

Answering no doesn’t feel neutral.

It creates tension.

And rather than escaping that tension through excuses—as often happens with vague intentions—the brain seeks resolution. The most efficient way to resolve the discomfort is through behavioral alignment.

In other words, you either change the goal or you change the behavior.

Most committed golfers don’t want to change the goal.

So they change the behavior.

This is why questions accelerate follow-through. They don’t rely on motivation or hype. They leverage the brain’s natural drive for consistency and identity alignment.

You’re no longer forcing discipline.

You’re allowing your psychology to pull you toward it.

Will You Ask A Better Question?

Language matters.

The words you use don’t just describe reality—they shape it.

In psychology and neuroscience, language is understood as a primer: it cues expectations, frames options, and subtly influences how the brain prepares for action. 

The difference between can, could, and will may feel small on the surface, but cognitively, it’s massive.

When you ask: “Can I?”

You invite negotiation. You’re asking about possibility, not commitment. Your brain immediately scans for constraints: Time. Energy. Mood. Circumstances.

When you ask: “Could I?”

You leave the door open even wider. It becomes hypothetical. Optional. Non-binding.

But when you ask: “Will I?”

Everything changes.

“Will” implies ownership, agency, and responsibility. It assumes that the decision is yours to make—right now. Not tomorrow. Not when conditions improve. Not when you feel better.

• Will I do my mobility work today?

• Will I practice when I don’t feel like it?

• Will I respond like the golfer I’m becoming?

These aren’t motivational questions. They’re identity questions.

And this is where the real power lies.

Binary questions—yes or no—remove psychological escape routes. They don’t allow for emotional bargaining, justification, or mental gymnastics. There’s no room to hide behind “kind of,” “later,” or “if things go well.”

You’re forced into clarity.

And clarity is what discipline feeds on.

The best golfers don’t rely on constant motivation. They make clean decisions that align with who they are becoming. Asking “Will I?” repeatedly reinforces that identity—not through force, but through choice.

Over time, those choices compound.

And what starts as a question becomes a standard.

Final Thought

At some point, every serious golfer reaches the same crossroads.

Not where they don’t know what to do—but where they’re forced to confront whether they’re willing to do it consistently, honestly, and when it’s uncomfortable.

This is where most people stall. Not because they lack discipline, talent, or desire—but because they keep outsourcing responsibility to motivation, confidence, or the perfect plan.

What actually separates those who break through from those who stay stuck is far simpler—and far harder.

They ask better questions of themselves.

Not questions that soothe. Not questions that delay.

Questions that demand ownership.

• Will I prepare like the golfer I say I want to be?

• Will I respond with discipline instead of emotion?

• Will I do the work when no one is watching and nothing is on the line?

Those questions don’t just shape your practice. They shape your identity.

And identity is what holds up under pressure when emotions rise, expectations creep in, and the round starts to feel heavy.

You don’t become a better golfer by thinking more. You become a better golfer by choosing—again and again—to act in alignment with who you’re becoming.

So here’s the only question that really matters now:

Will you live up to your own standard today?

Because confidence isn’t something you find. It’s something you earn—one honest answer at a time.

Will you invest in mindset and performance coaching to achieve your potential? ;)

If you’re serious about getting out of your own way,  click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call and let’s talk about how we can build the golfer—and the man—you know you’re capable of becoming.

Your Next Step

Every newsletter will conclude with a suggested action step and further resources on the topic we discussed.

After reading today’s newsletter, pay more attention to the conversation you’re having with yourself - strive to ask rather than affirm. 

If you have any questions, feel free to DM me on Instagram (@thegolfhypnotherapist) or send me an email directly: [email protected]

After reading today’s newsletter, I want you to take the time to complete each step in my goal-setting process. Then, share it with me via email or on social media.

Thank you for reading today’s newsletter.

If you found it valuable, share it with a fellow golfer ready to take their game to the next level.

Until next time,

Paul

P.S. What did you think of today’s newsletter? Reply back / drop a comment below to let me know.

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