Hey Fellow Golfer - 

Thank you for reading this week’s More Pars Than Bogeys Newsletter.

You can click here to read the online version of this week’s newsletter.

I had the pleasure of joining Golf Psychology Coach Josh Nichols on his podcast, The Mental Golf Show, for an impactful and enjoyable conversation.

In this episode, I delve into what hypnosis is and isn't, how it works, and how I use it to help golfers and entrepreneurs unlock their full potential by getting unstuck and out of their own way. I also contrast hypnosis with traditional talk therapy.

Click here to listen.

Golf is not a game of perfect.

You know this.

You’ve heard this.

You’ve likely read the book with that exact title.

Yet, hitting one shot in the sweet spot with a picturesque trajectory that lands precisely where you intended is intoxicating enough to leave you feeling as if you should be able to replicate that swing and outcome effortlessly over and over.

Can you relate?

Here’s the truth:

Not only is golf not a game of perfect, but the top one percent of players worldwide are far from perfect, too.

Here are a handful of key stats from the 2023 PGA Tour season that help illustrate this point:

• Russell Henley hit 71.74% of fairways and was the only player on the tour above 70 percent. That’s a C- grade.

• Scheffler led the Tour in GIR at 74.47 percent. Also, a C- grade.

• Brian Harman topped the scrambling category at 67.74 percent (a D grade). The Tour average was 58.45, or an F grade.

Perfection is nothing more than an illusion.

In today’s newsletter, you’ll learn when, why, and how your perfectionism tendencies developed. 

You'll also learn more about the dark side of perfection and how this pointless quest costs you a handful of strokes (or more) on the golf course.

Let’s tee off!

How Strong Are Your Perfectionism Tendencies?

Pop quiz.

If you’re serious about unlearning the costly consequences of your perfectionistic tendencies, then it’s essential you understand how tight of a chokehold they have on your game.

1. Take a piece of paper and number it from one to ten.

2. Then, read each statement below and rate it on a scale of one to five to describe their accuracy and relatability to you.
   

   1. 5 = strong relatability

   2. 1 = not relatable

IMPORTANT: Write down your first instinct (even if it hurts to admit...)

1. I’m only satisfied with my work when it’s perfect.

2. I thrive on validation from others; I feel discouraged when my efforts fail to draw praise.

3. I’d rather do nothing than do something imperfectly.

4. I have a hard time making decisions and taking action when faced with uncertainty.

5. I dislike working in groups because I’m unable to ensure everything is done flawlessly.

6. I must always be in control and feel anxious and uncomfortable when I’m not.

7. I never ask for help because it makes me feel incompetent.

8. I constantly correct people, pointing out their mistakes (even trivial ones).

9. I abandon projects when I suspect the results will be less than perfect.

10. Reflecting on my life, I see a past filled with failures and mistakes rather than successes and wins.

Next Step: Add up your total score.

Below is a description of various score ranges to help you better understand how strong your perfectionist tendencies are (and how counterproductive they may be).

• 1 - 15: your inner perfectionist is well under control.

• 16 - 30: your perfectionist behavior influences your outlook and interactions with others.

• 31 - 40: your perfectionism has a major impact on your self-worth.

• 41 - 50: you constantly feel stressed, anxious, discouraged, and even depressed; you never feel good or smart enough. 

Where’d you come in?

How does it feel to bring greater clarity to this truth?

Upon seeing your score, take a moment to write down the accompanying thoughts and feelings.

Note: This quiz was borrowed from author Damon Zahariades, specifically, from his book, “The Joy Of Imperfection: A Stress-Free Guide To Silencing Your Inner Critic, Conquering Perfectionism, and Becoming The Best Version Of Yourself!”

Perfectionism Defined

Perfectionism is a set of self-defeating thought patterns that push you to achieve unrealistic goals, which you falsely believe to be attainable.

Perfectionism is a multi-dimensional personality trait.

Perfectionism encompasses a collection of fears, beliefs, and behaviors characterized by a tendency to set extremely high, rigid, or flawless goals and place excessive demands on yourself (and others).

There are three core types of perfectionism.

1. Self-Oriented: When you demand perfection of yourself.

2. Other-Oriented: When you demand perfection from others.

3. Socially-Prescribed: When you feel pressure from others to be perfect.

Each type likely shows up in your life - on and off the course. 

On the course, you likely experience a demand to be perfect on yourself and a false sense of pressure to be perfect from your playing group. And you may even be the guy who demands perfection from your playing partners, too. 

At times, this collection of beliefs and behaviors may serve you, yet, I have a hunch that a key reason you’re reading this newsletter is because they’re now holding you back from playing to your potential. 

Before we dig deeper into the dark side of perfection, it’s important to understand where, when, and why these tendencies were created. 

[QUOTE] Perfectionism encompasses a collection of fears, beliefs, and behaviors characterized by a tendency to set extremely high, rigid, or flawless goals and place excessive demands on yourself (and others).

Episode #11 of The Scratch Golfer’s Mindset Podcast is a deep discussion of the consequences that unfold when there’s an incongruency between your expectations (read: your quest for perfection) and reality.

Listen here next.

The Origin of Your Perfectionism Tendencies

Your perfectionistic tendencies were created to ensure your needs were met as a child. 

Beyond basic survival needs such as food, hydration, and shelter, you possess a handful of additional unique needs that, when met, allow you to optimize emotional, psychological, social, and physical development. 

These core needs include:

• Secure attachment

• Validation

• Connection

• Unconditional love

• Acceptance

• Belonging

In short, you desire to feel seen, heard, and validated. 

This is more pronounced when you’re a child unable to meet your needs independently. 

When these core needs go unmet, your subconscious mind - whose primary responsibility is to keep you safe and alive - develops and deploys several behaviors to increase the chance of meeting them.

Perfectionism is born out of this need to keep you safe by ensuring these childhood needs remain met.

For instance, if one of your siblings was constantly getting into trouble, he or she likely garnered most of Mom and Dad’s attention. To help offset the imbalance of attention and love distribution, you may have unconsciously begun spending more time studying in school or practicing your respective sport. 

The underlying, unconscious thought and goal was that this would fuel incredible accomplishments, which Mom and Dad would have no choice but to praise you for. 

Further complicating matters is that humans are biologically wired to seek a sense of belonging, connection, and acceptance. This is because, at our core, we’re a tribal or community-centric species. Centuries ago, people wouldn’t have survived if they weren’t a part of a tribe. 

In a similar situation as described above, if your older siblings were each excelling in sports and academics while growing up, there may have felt like an invisible pressure to keep up to meet your core need of belonging. 

The result: you developed a tenacious work ethic and quest for perfection to prove that you belonged, too. 

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Perfectionists are often critical, driven by fear, have unrealistic expectations, and become defensive when met with criticism.

Perfectionists also have a tenacious work ethic, ambitious mindset, strong autonomy, and excellent organization and prioritization skills. Essentially, they give their all to everything they do and leave no stone unturned or details overlooked. 

Remember, these tendencies developed as a way to protect you. For many people, however, there reaches a point where they become counterproductive and a source of frustration, stagnation, and pain.

Researchers further categorize perfection into two types:

1. Adaptive perfectionism involves conscientiousness, organization, striving for excellence, and ambitious goals. There’s a deep knowing that true perfection doesn’t exist; instead, the quest is excellence in every action and result.
   
   Adaptive perfectionism is linked to career success, high self-esteem, happiness, and greater life satisfaction. A Harvard Business Review article described adaptive perfectionism as "excellence seeking."

2. Maladaptive perfectionism is tied to low confidence, fear of failure, poor relationships, and overall well-being outcomes. This type of perfectionism involves an intense desire for others’ approval, unrealistic expectations, negative self-talk, false (unnecessary) pressure, and guilt; it’s unhealthy.
   
   You’re never satisfied with what you achieve; if something isn't perfect, you dismiss it. A Harvard Business Review article described maladaptive perfectionism as "failure avoiding."

Adaptive perfectionism may manifest in how you prepare for a round and spend time practicing - with intense focus, attention to detail, and high expectations. 

But as I’ll explain below, it may also create a collection of severe consequences that breed self-sabotage. 

The Dark Side of Perfection in Your Golf Game

If you struggle with perfectionism, you’re more likely to…

• Procrastinate and engage in avoidance behaviors: Are you avoiding practicing or asking for help?
  

• To be indecisive: Course management and club selection become real sore spots that breed frustration, doubt, and distrust.
  

• Struggle to ask for help (to maintain control): Why haven’t you hired a mindset coach and hypnotherapist yet?
  

• See the negative or wrong of a situation (poor self-esteem): You only focus on the mistakes and poor shots.
  

• See success as short-lived and unfulfilling: You quickly find what went wrong in your game rather than acknowledging and celebrating all that went well.
  

• Be difficult to work with (or not fun to play a round of golf): Don’t be that guy…

• Struggle to access a state of flow: You’re easily distracted, unfocused, and prone to making many consequential mistakes.
  

• Reduced emotional resiliency: If you continue to let strong emotions hijack the steering wheel of your decisions and actions during a round, well, you’re in for a long round.
  

• Feel stuck on a never-ending quest to please others: This creates an unnecessary mental and emotional burden that robs you of your ability to play to your potential.

• Unnecessarily nitpick your swing mechanics: You constantly strive for the “perfect” swing, which leads to overthinking and inconsistency. This creates tension and tightness, only further negatively affecting your swing.
  

• Counterproductive course-management strategy: You attempt to play every hole “perfectly” rather than adapting to the day’s conditions, your day’s swing, and your emotional and physical state. This results in poor decision-making and frustration when things are unplanned. 

• Expect flawless up-and-downs: If you continue to hone in on making your recovery shot “perfect” to counteract your previous poor shot, you’ll continue to take high-risk shots, which may lead to compounding errors. 

As a Golf Hypnotherapist, I use hypnosis to defuse the invisible pressures of perfectionism while also helping you create a sense of subconscious safety by unlearning these behaviors.

The result is lower scores and a greater enjoyment of the game. 

Click here to schedule a free Mental Game Strategy session to learn how I can help you unlearn these perfectionism tendencies and shoot lower scores.

The Perfectionism Shame Cycle

If you identify as a perfectionist, the feelings and behaviors below will be familiar…

• Anxiety

• Shame

• Depression

• Fear

• Unhappiness

• Low self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence.

• Uncertainty

• Need for control

Collectively, it’s these feelings that keep you stuck in the perfectionism cycle, which can be described as follows:

1. You think you’ll feel better (or meet a need) if you can be perfect.

2. You set unrealistic goals.

3. You fail to achieve these goals.

4. You lose trust in yourself and begin speaking unkindly to yourself.

5. You feel a collection of shame, fear, and judgment.

These feelings eventually spark the thought mentioned in step one - and so on goes the cycle yet again!

This cycle shows up both on and off the golf course.

If you find this cycle relatable, know that it’s costing you on the course, in your business, and your personal life.

Click here to schedule a free Mental Game Strategy session to learn how I can help you unlearn these perfectionism tendencies and shoot lower scores.

Your Next Step

Every newsletter will conclude with a suggested action step and further resources on the topic we discussed.

After reading today’s newsletter, go back and take the quick perfectionism pop quiz at the top of this newsletter. Use this score as a resource to guide your action to reduce the pressure and need to be perfect.

Additionally, reflect on how your perfectionism tendencies are helping and hurting you.

Remember, these tendencies aren’t limited to one area of your life. When you address the core beliefs and behaviors and make the necessary upgrades, you benefit each area.

Feel free to book a mindset coaching discovery call with me to learn how I can help you feel confident, relaxed, and in control.

Thank you for reading today’s newsletter.

If you found it valuable, share it with a fellow golfer ready to take their game to the next level.

Until next time,

Paul

P.S. What did you think of today’s newsletter? Reply back / drop a comment below to let me know.

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Thank you for reading.

When you're ready, there are three ways I can help you:

1. Listen to The Scratch Golfer’s Mindset Podcast: Whether you’re an occasional amateur, a weekend regular, or a competitor seeking a tournament trophy or your pro card, this podcast will help you overcome the mental hazards of your mind to shoot more pars than bogeys. Start listening.
   

2. Overcome the Mental Hazards of Your Mind: How Hypnosis Can Help You Shoot Lower Scores: Whether you spend two or ten hours at the range each week, if you don’t learn to address and overcome your mind's mental and emotional hazards, you’ll remain stuck in the proverbial bunker of poor performance playing well short of your potential. Shoot More Pars.
   

3. 1-1 Mindset Coaching and Hypnotherapy for Golfers: I help golfers overcome the emotional and mental hazards of their minds to shoot lower scores (and have more fun) using hypnosis. Book a free Golf Mental Game Strategy Call Today.