Hey Fellow Golfer - 

Thank you for reading this week’s More Pars Than Bogeys Newsletter. If you find it valuable, could you forward this email to a fellow golfer?

Thank you.

You can click here to read the online version of this week’s newsletter. 

And be sure to catch up on this week’s podcast episode:

• #96: Untangling Your Self-Worth from Your Results

• #97: [Inside the Mind] Evan Singer: Turning Discomfort into Growth On and Off the Course

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about how mindset coaching and hypnotherapy can help you get unstuck from the proverbial bunker of poor performance on (and off) the course, click here to schedule a coaching discovery call with me. 

Think back to childhood…

Maybe it was the day you brought home a report card, heart pounding, because you knew what the letter grades meant. 

If it showed A’s, you were celebrated—parents smiled, teachers praised, maybe even a reward followed. 

You felt loved, validated, seen. 

But if there was a B—or worse, a C—the warmth in the room turned cold. Disappointment hung heavy in the air.

Or maybe it wasn’t grades—it was sports. 

When you hit the game-winning shot, crossed the finish line first, or crushed a home run, the world lit up around you. Coaches smiled, parents hugged, teammates lifted you onto their shoulders. 

You weren’t just a kid in that moment—you were significant. 

Enough.

But when you underperformed? 

Silence. Maybe even criticism. The message was loud and clear: love, approval, belonging… they all came with results attached.

Fast forward to today. Every round of golf, every deal, every tournament or quarter in business feels like the same test all over again. A good outcome means validation—you matter. A poor one feels like rejection.

That’s why detaching from results feels so impossible. Because for decades, results haven’t just been a scoreboard. They’ve been your ticket to love, belonging, and safety.

And yet, what if that very attachment—the belief that results equal worth—isn’t fueling your success, but silently sabotaging it?

In today’s newsletter, you’ll learn:

• Where and why you began to equate results with your self-worth.

• Why your attachment to results is silently sabotaging your performance.

• The hidden costs—on your health, your relationships, and your joy.

• How the expectation trap keeps you stuck in frustration.

• Why anchoring your worth to your process—not your scorecard—is the true elite edge.

• Reflection prompts to help you detach from outcomes and play with freedom.

Let’s tee off!

The Subconscious Origins: Childhood Needs

Attachment doesn’t begin on the golf course or in business—it begins in childhood. 

Every one of us grows up with basic human needs: love, belonging, safety, significance, and validation. When those needs are rarely or inconsistently met, the subconscious develops patterns to get them filled.

Here’s how it often plays out:

• Love & Attention: You feel invisible at home until the day you bring home a perfect report card. Suddenly, mom and dad light up. Hugs. Smiles. A reward.
  
  The brain encodes: achievement equals love. Mistakes equal invisibility. As an adult, you chase results not just for success, but because somewhere inside, it feels like the only way to be loved.
  

• Belonging: You often feel left out, yet, in this moment, you score the winning soccer goal. Teammates cheer, parents beam. For a moment, you belong.
  
  The brain encodes: performance equals belonging, failure equals rejection. Decades later, belonging still feels conditional, so you obsess over client approval, social media likes, or closing the next deal.
  

• Safety & Security: You grow up in a tense home filled with conflict. When you stay quiet and “perfect,” the tension eases.
  
  The brain encodes: perfection equals safety, mistakes equal danger. As an adult, this turns into over-control—micromanaging every shot, every deal, terrified one slip could cost everything.
  

• Enoughness / Significance: If you have siblings, you’ve constantly had to fight for the spotlight. On the day you win a medal or stand out, the crowd cheers, parents beam, siblings fade into the background. For that moment, you feel enough.
  
  The brain encodes: recognition equals worth. As adults, this drives the endless chase. Each win feels like proof of worthiness, but the satisfaction fades as fast as it came.
  

• Validation: You’re a phenomenal artist for your age, yet, mom and dad only show you praise if your art wins an award.
  

  Creativity and effort ignored, the brain encodes: results equal validation. Effort without results equals nothing. As an adult, this turns into impatience and volatility—if results don’t come quickly, self-esteem crumbles.

These subconscious programs don’t just influence your childhood. They become the blueprint for how you approach golf, business, and relationships today. 

Which needs are you still trying to meet through results?

The Hidden Cost of Attachment

When your self-worth rises and falls with results, you’re never truly free.

Take Janice, a driven real estate professional I worked with. On the surface, she looked successful, but behind the scenes, her attachment to results was costing her dearly:

• Two to three glasses of wine each night just to sleep.

• Four restless hours of shuteye on average.

• Inconsistent workouts, low energy, and growing health issues.

• A marriage running on fumes, intimacy gone cold.

Her drive for work trumped everything. She replayed spreadsheets at 2 a.m. She pushed deals forward just to feel momentum. 

She operated from “I have to close this or else” rather than “Is this the right play?” Her team felt her volatility. Her creativity shrank. And at home, she was physically present but emotionally absent.

And maybe you can relate…

• You walk off the course after a bad round, replaying every missed putt and poor decision long into the night.

• You push too hard in business, forcing conversations and deals because the idea of not closing feels unbearable.

• You come home distracted, irritable, and distant—because you can’t leave the results at the office or on the course.

That’s what attachment does. It robs you of presence, drains your energy, and erodes the very relationships and health that matter most.

The Expectation Trap

Part of the problem is how you’ve been conditioned to think results should work.

In most areas of life, there’s a clear, predictable relationship between input and output.

• Work one hour, bill one hour, get paid for one hour of work.

• Study a few hours, perform better on a test.

• Follow a recipe, apply heat, and dinner is ready in minutes.

Effort equals reward. Simple.

But golf—and business—don’t follow that formula.

You can put in 40+ hours prospecting a client and have the deal fall through. You can practice your swing all week and still shoot your worst round. Results lag. Timing is unpredictable. External factors are beyond your control.

When you expect immediate returns but reality doesn’t deliver, a gap forms. And in that gap, frustration, doubt, worry, shame, and fear creep in. That’s when you push harder, rush decisions, cut corners, and overreact. 

Ironically, that frantic chasing only pulls you further from the results you want.

Results = Self-Worth: The Root of the Problem

This cycle persists because deep down, you learned that achievement equals acceptance.

If you performed, you belonged. If you failed, you felt invisible.

Those childhood patterns—whether from grades, sports, or competing with siblings for attention—still dictate how you feel about yourself today.

• That’s why a missed three-footer isn’t just a missed putt. It’s rejection.

• That’s why a lost deal isn’t just lost revenue. It’s proof, in your mind, that you’re not enough.

The real cost isn’t just the stress—it’s the erosion of joy. The game you once loved now feels like a burden. The business you built now feels like a trap.

If you’re serious about taking your game to the next level - on and off the course - click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call to learn how I can help you plug your energy leaks and play to your potential.

Where Freedom Lives: Anchoring to Process

The solution isn’t lowering your standards. It’s untethering your self-worth from outcomes and reattaching it to your process.

• Identity anchored in execution: Judge yourself not by the score, but by how well you showed up for your process.

• Patience with the lag: The results you see today are the byproduct of what you did three to six months ago. Keep laying bricks. Trust the compounding effect.

• Better decisions: When you’re grounded in process, you stop forcing outcomes. Creativity, clarity, and confidence return.

In his book, “The Confident Mind,” Dr. Nate Zinsser calls this the “first victory:” the act of executing your process well today. That’s the only win you can fully control—and the one that sets the stage for every bigger win you desire.

Ironically, the more you detach from results and master your process, the faster results begin to arrive.

Prompts to Help You Detach

Take 10 minutes this week with a journal, a quiet walk, or even during your practice session, and reflect:

1. Where in your life are you still chasing the same validation you sought as a child?

2. When you feel urgency to rush, is it true urgency—or fear disguised as urgency?

3. If tomorrow’s round or deal fell apart, what story would you tell yourself about what that means about you?

4. What’s one area of your golf game (or business) you can score yourself on execution quality rather than outcome?

5. What process are you committed to trusting, even if the payoff hasn’t shown up yet?

If you’re serious about taking your game to the next level - on and off the course - click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call to learn how I can help you plug your energy leaks and play to your potential.

Final Thought

Golf is a mirror. 

If your worth rises and falls with every scorecard or deal, you’ll never find peace, freedom, or consistent performance.

Detachment doesn’t mean you stop caring—it means you stop letting external results dictate your internal state. It means rooting your confidence, your calm, and your self-worth in the part of the game you can control: your process.

That’s where freedom lives. That’s where performance thrives.

And if you’re ready to stop letting results own you—and start playing with clarity, confidence, and joy—I’d love to help.

If you’re ready to stop sabotaging yourself and start playing—and living—with freedom, confidence, and consistency, I invite you to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call today.

Click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call and learn how golf hypnosis and mindset coaching can help you detach from results, master your process, and unlock your true potential.

Your Next Step

Every newsletter will conclude with a suggested action step and further resources on the topic we discussed.

After reading today’s newsletter, set aside 10 minutes to answer the powerful prompts I shared above. 

If you have any questions, feel free to DM me on Instagram (@thegolfhypnotherapist) or send me an email directly: [email protected]

Thank you for reading today’s newsletter.

If you found it valuable, share it with a fellow golfer ready to take their game to the next level.

Until next time,

Paul

P.S. What did you think of today’s newsletter? Reply back / drop a comment below to let me know.

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