- More Pars Than Bogeys
- Posts
- From Being Let Go to Letting Go
Hey Fellow Golfer -
Thank you for reading this week’s More Pars Than Bogeys Newsletter. If you find it valuable, could you forward this email to a fellow golfer?
Thank you.
You can click here to read the online version of this week’s newsletter.
And be sure to catch up on this week’s podcast episode:
P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about how mindset coaching and hypnotherapy can help you get unstuck from the proverbial bunker of poor performance on (and off) the course, click here to schedule a coaching discovery call with me.
Ash didn’t come to me in a crisis.
On the surface, life was solid.
Stable.
He had a great job at a respected company.
A strong marriage.
Two incredible boys nearing college age.
And, a well-earned resume and background: biomedical engineering degree, MBA in finance, 14 years climbing the ladder at Sysco, 12 more spent consulting in the financial and start-up world.
Even his golf game looked consistent—at least from the outside - as he was hovering between a 6.0 and 7.0 index.
But inside?
Ash felt stuck.
And ashamed to admit it.
Despite logging hours on the range and course, he wasn’t improving.
Despite professional success, he wasn’t fulfilled.
Despite loving his family deeply, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t showing up as the man, father, or leader he was capable of being.
He felt like he was drifting—between chapters in his career… between stages of fatherhood… between shots on the course… and between two versions of himself:
The version that had done just enough to be fine.
And the version he knew—deep in his bones—he could become if he dared to dig deeper.
And that’s when Ash reached out.
In today’s newsletter, you’ll meet Ash and learn how a season of stalled progress—on the golf course and in his career—revealed a much deeper struggle with self-worth, pressure, and identity.
You’ll see how, through mindset coaching and hypnosis, we unpacked decades of emotional weight tied to childhood pressure, cultural expectations, and the belief that his value depended on always performing, producing, or providing—and how letting go of those internal demands became the key to rebuilding his confidence, clarity, and consistency.
If you’ve ever felt stuck between who you are and who you know you could be, or if your golf game feels like a metaphor for the parts of life you can’t quite unlock, Ash’s story will hit close to home.
Let’s tee off!
This was a text message from early into our coaching relationship, where he’d already dropped from a 6.5 to a 5.0 index.
In our early sessions, it became clear just how heavy the backpack he’d been carrying truly was.
As the oldest child of first-generation immigrants, Ash learned early how to shoulder responsibility. His parents worked tirelessly to give him and his siblings a better life, but it meant he was often left to navigate the world alone—school bullies, social pressure, learning sports, self-discipline, all without guidance.
It forged a quiet toughness. But also a habit of burying pain, suppressing emotion, and white-knuckling his way through challenges.
And what started as well-intended survival skills eventually became lifelong patterns of self-pressure to perform, self-judgment, and never feeling quite good enough.
On the golf course, this showed up in subtle but powerful ways.
A missed putt didn’t just sting—it triggered shame.
A poor round didn’t just frustrate—it confirmed the deep fear that he was falling short.
He didn’t just want to improve—he needed to… to validate that he was enough.
Then, everything changed.
When the Bottom Falls Out
Ash was let go from his job in a multi-round layoff a few months into our work together.
Fourteen years with the same company, gone in a moment.
The news hit like a freight train.
Shock turned to panic.
Panic turned to fear.
And fear turned to shame.
For six long months, Ash searched for his next job while helping his oldest prepare to leave for college.
Every week brought more rejection.
More silence. More questioning. More shame.
“What if I never find something again?”
“What does this say about me as a provider?”
“Did I waste the last two decades of my life?”
He felt defeated. Directionless. And at times, dangerously close to giving up.
But unlike past challenges, Ash didn’t face this one alone.
We processed the pain.
We worked through the identity loss.
We rewired the beliefs he had attached to his job title and income.
And as difficult as it was to admit, we began to recognize the layoff not as punishment, but as permission - permission to rediscover and reconnect with his authentic self.
Work with a golf hypnotherapist and mindset coach to unlearn the beliefs, programs, and behaviors that are no longer serving you so that you can play to your potential.
Click here to schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call to learn how I can help you make playing to your potential a habit.
Rebuilding From the Inside Out
Ash didn’t need another productivity system or performance strategy.
He needed to look deep within and uncover why he felt the way he did.
For decades, he had quietly carried the belief that his worth was tied to achievement. That if he wasn’t producing, fixing, or leading, he wasn’t valuable.
Can you relate?
So when he lost his job—and with it, his identity, income, and sense of direction—what really crumbled wasn’t just a career.
It was the fragile structure he’d built around his self-worth.
Together, we began to dismantle that structure.
We went back to the early experiences that shaped him: the loneliness of being a kid whose parents worked long hours, the sting of being bullied at school, the pressure of having to figure out life without a guidebook, and the silent vow he made as a boy—to always be strong, capable, and “the one who held it all together.”
We gave that younger version of him a voice.
We processed grief he never gave himself permission to feel.
We challenged the unspoken rules that had governed his life: Don’t show weakness. Don’t ask for help. Don’t fail.
And slowly, Ash began to realize that the traits he thought made him “strong” were actually the very things keeping him stuck.
He learned to replace self-criticism with self-compassion.
He began to understand that stillness wasn’t laziness—and rest wasn’t weakness.
He stopped trying to prove his worth and started to believe in it.
From this place of internal safety, everything began to shift:
He started showing up to job interviews with quiet confidence rather than desperation.
He communicated more openly and honestly with his wife and kids.
He began playing golf—not to validate himself, but to express himself.
And when the right job offer finally came, it wasn’t just aligned with his skills, it was aligned with him.
Not the masked version he’d spent decades performing as, but the real Ash. The grounded, confident, resilient man he was always becoming.
Ash’s Story Recap
Before Working With Me:
Quietly stuck in both his career and on the course
Frustrated by lack of progress despite heavy effort
Struggling with anxiety, shame, and self-doubt
Haunted by a lifelong pressure to be “the one who figured it out”
Feeling lost about his next chapter with kids leaving home
Why He Worked With Me:
Knew he wasn’t living up to his potential
Needed help processing lifelong emotional patterns
Wanted clarity, purpose, and peace in his next season
Felt the toll of always “white-knuckling” his way through life
What We Worked On and Reprogrammed
Uncovered and processed childhood wounds related to loneliness, bullying, and responsibility
Released the belief that self-worth must be earned through achievement and performance
Rewrote subconscious patterns tied to fear of failure, fear of disappointing others, and pressure to provide
Built emotional safety through guided hypnosis and subconscious reconditioning
Replaced chronic self-judgment with self-compassion and emotional regulation tools
Cultivated an identity rooted in presence, worthiness, and trust—not productivity
Results and Accomplishments:
Navigated six months of unemployment with confidence and emotional stability, while also remaining patient and true to his values (read: not settling or rushing)
Landed a new job more aligned with his values and purpose
Rebuilt his belief in himself—independent of title, salary, or performance
Made breakthrough progress in his golf game, dropping his handicap from 6.5 to 3.1
Found freedom from self-judgment and pressure
Reclaimed joy, clarity, and power in his life and on the course
Final Thought
Ash’s story is a powerful reminder that getting stuck isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a signal that something deeper is ready to be addressed.
His transformation didn’t come from grinding harder or chasing more.
It came from doing the uncomfortable, courageous work of looking within…
…releasing old emotional wounds, rewriting limiting beliefs, and rebuilding his identity on a foundation of self-trust and worthiness.
That’s what changed his life.
That’s what changed his golf game.
And that’s what’s possible for you, too.
If part of you knows there’s more in the tank—but you can’t seem to access it—let’s talk.
Click here to schedule a mindset coaching discovery call with me.
It might just be the first step that changes everything.
Your Next Step
Every newsletter will conclude with a suggested action step and further resources on the topic we discussed.
After reading today’s newsletter, I encourage you to ask yourself what’s holding you back from asking for help and hiring a coach. The most successful people in each industry have a mindset coach. Why don’t you?
If you have any questions, feel free to DM me on Instagram (@thegolfhypnotherapist) or send me an email directly: [email protected]
After reading today’s newsletter, I want you to take the time to complete each step in my goal-setting process. Then, share it with me via email or on social media.
Thank you for reading today’s newsletter.
If you found it valuable, share it with a fellow golfer ready to take their game to the next level.
Until next time,
Paul
P.S. What did you think of today’s newsletter? Reply back / drop a comment below to let me know.
Birdie
Par
Bogey
Thank you for reading.
When you're ready, there are three ways I can help you:
Listen to The Scratch Golfer’s Mindset Podcast: Whether you’re an occasional amateur, a weekend regular, or a competitor seeking a tournament trophy or your pro card, this podcast will help you overcome the mental hazards of your mind to shoot more pars than bogeys. Start listening.
Download My “Play Your Best Round” Hypnosis Audio Recording: Let me help you lock in the level of focus, confidence, and clarity you need to create the mindset necessary to make your next round your best round. Download Your Free Hypnosis Audio.
1-1 Mindset Coaching and Hypnotherapy for Golfers: I help golfers overcome the emotional and mental hazards of their minds to shoot lower scores (and have more fun) using hypnosis. Book a free Golf Mental Game Strategy Call Today.
Reply